Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Anticlimactic Birthday

We did not prepare much for Brayden's birthday. For anyone that knows us, we do big birthday parties...we love parties. About a week before Brayden's birthday, we decided to have a party. We invited our immediate family for dinner at a farm.

Carter and Luke were a big reason for the party. They wanted Brayden to have a party. Their thoughts:
Carter: Who will open his presents? Well, Luke and I can help.
Luke: Will he have cake since he is allergic? (Luke's version of why Brayden cannot eat by mouth)
Carter: Who will blow out his candles? I can do it, so can Luke.

The party day came. The wind was ferocious and cold. Everyone was huddled inside the old farm house. The ponies arrived. The children were outside riding. I was taking pictures of the children on the pony rides and then I walked back to the house. Brayden was totally alone in a room, just sitting there quietly, everyone else was busy with the party. It broke my heart. He was at his own birthday party but NOT at his birthday party.

I have no other deep thoughts about it, it just made me sad but still happy to celebrate his 3rd birthday.


The VW's said...

I totally get what you are saying. It's a time to celebrate, but also a time for saddness of what isn't and may never be. You are not alone! HUGS!!!

The Henrys said...

Birthdays can be so rough.

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

I totally understand what you are saying. Before Emily, I used to think I would do simple birthday parties with just family and a few friends coming over to celebrate. Well we live 1000 miles away from family so that isn't an option.

We have done 2 parties for her at our church. The more I think about it the more I realize that they are more for me than her. I feel like she should have a party to celebrate.

The problem is I plan activities for the kids to do, but she cannot participate in them (I am not very creative so I have not been able to come up with an activity that typical kids will like and she can do too). She also doesn't eat cake (although she likes to lick the frosting). So, like Brayden, she just sits by herself while everyone else is enjoying her party.

It is one more expectation that I need to let go of. Maybe she would love to do something else to celebrate her birthday...I just need to figure out what that is before October.

littleharves said...

evrey time i had to leave the room that harvey was in i felt like this. he had optic nerve atrophy and a hearing impairment so i felt that if someone wasn't touching him all the time that he was terribly alone. harvey only had one birthday and if it wasn't for my brilliant friends, i would definitely have fallen into a hole over it. harvey and brayden are always in their own little world, whatever they participate in, but i like to think that some part of them knows exactly whats going on. brayden was probably enjoying some peace and quiet from all the noise and chaos! we as moms feel worse for our children than they actually do for themselves warm hugs, anne xxx

Stephen said...

I too saw Brayden sitting alone in the old farmhouse. I sat down next to him, kissed him on his tender cheek and told him that Papa was there to keep him company and celebrate his birthday . I was overcome with emotion and tears began to cloud my vision. So many thoughts ran through my mind. It was then that I realized that Brayden had not been alone. In fact, our heavenly Father was very much present. Brayden's quiet, calm, glowing countenance looked as if he were being cradled in God's loving arms. I can't begin to explain the supernatural peace that came over me. Brayden and I enjoyed our quiet time together. I don't know if Brayden enjoyed the noise, his pony ride, presents and the many hugs and kisses from all of us. I do know that this past Saturday was much more than my grandson's birthday party. It was an opportunity to experience God's infinite love and comfort. So, while it first looked like Brayden was all alone...he was not.....Our Heavenly Father was there. Happy Birthday Brayden!!!! All my love, papa Johnson

kirstenpetree said...

I know what you mean:( so sad.

Debbie said...

I feel your heartache...literally...with every birthday that has passed, except for his "birth-day" when I thought he was perfectly healthy.

My heart is heavy and aching thinking about Hudson's upcoming 3rd birthday...
bittersweet these birthdays are!