...the person to talk to a pregnant woman.
Several months ago I ran into an old friend (I did not blog about it then because I did not know if she read this blog and I wanted some time to pass so that it was not obvious who it was). She was pregnant and due any day with his first child. I was standing there, with Brayden, catching up with her, talking all about the excitement of pregnancy and things to come.
After we said goodbye, I realized that the conversation felt awkward for me. Not once did she talk to Brayden or even acknowledge his presence. It was like one of her fears while being pregnant, was right in front of her...a severely disabled child.
I have come to realize that I am not the best person to talk to a pregnant woman.
Before I go into all my reasons, I want to give a disclaimer that it is all worth it to have a baby in your arms, no matter what happens.
I do not really enjoy being pregnant. I spent way too much time sick and sick enough to require quality time with IVs and medication. And it happened with each pregnancy.
Then after the baby comes, I am a mess. No sleep, your body is a mess, emotions...everything just turned upside down. The newborn phase is not my favorite time. I do not feel like myself until the baby is at least 3-4 months old.
But why I really have a hard time talking to a pregnant woman is two reasons.
First, I always hear people say, "It does not matter if we have a boy or a girl, we will be happy as long as it is healthy." And what if the baby is not healthy? Then what? Would you love that baby any less? I know that people do not mean anything bad by making that statement but just stop and think about it.
Second, we did not know anything about Brayden until after he was born. All the pregnancy tests looked great...the ultrasound, blood work, etc. all looking normal. Even his delivery day things looked fine. The delivery was the easiest of all three boys. We thought Brayden was a healthy baby boy just like Carter and Luke. It wasn't until about 24-48 hours after his birth that the doctors began to question his head size and then proceeded with all the tests.
I rejoice with each person I know is pregnant. I am excited for them. I know that they will love the baby and their experience in their own way. But please just don't ask about my experience you might not want to hear it.