Tuesday, March 2, 2010

This is NOT what I expected my life to be

We all have expectations for our lives.

I mentioned that I was reading through old blog posts and emails, I realized I wrote a lot about expectations, things that were happening that I did not expect.

Here are some. I am sure that you can relate to at least a few of them.
  • I never expected to have a child with severe disabilities
  • I never expected to know this many doctors or hospitals so well
  • I never expected to have medical equipment as part of my home and daily life
  • I expected all of my children to talk, walk, hug, (eat, not by tube), etc.
  • I never expected to hurt this deeply
  • I expected myself to be a mom that could handle it all...I cannot
  • I expected to be there always for all of my children...Carter and Luke sometimes get lost in the chaos of things, even though they are understanding about it all
  • I expected my child to be able to cuddle...Brayden did not until 21 months
  • I expected to go on many vacations as a family...that left stress at home
  • I expected doctors to have answers and not be the one making major medical decisions for my child
  • I never expected to need this much help. I was a social work major in college, the idea of helping others and I am the one getting help from every direction.
  • I never expected asking for help would be so hard
  • I expected certain people in our lives to help (I learned that my expectations for them were apparently too high)
  • I expected my neighbors to be snobs (sorry gals) but thankfully I was seriously wrong
  • I expected Jeremy to feel the same as me, after all we are in this together. However things that bothered him, did not bother me. And things that bothered me did not bother him. Which turns out to be good because then we could support each other
  • I expected to know how to pray (I will have to blog about this one later)
  • I expected prayers to be answered...at least to find an end to the vomiting

I could go on and on. Clearly this is not what I expected my life to be.

Thankfully God surpasses all of our expectations and I am learning that a little more each day.

Have I let go of my expectations? I wish I could say yes but I am trying...


The Henrys said...

I can relate to so many of those expectations! All we can do is try to let them go and realize that it may take a long time!

Try to take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone, I know that helps me.

The VW's said...

I can definitely relate! Sorry that life had different plans for you! Like, The Henrys said, "You are not alone!" I know that it feels like it some days, but we are in this together! Love and Hugs!!!

K said...

Carrie, I love reading your blog and seeing your life. I will also state that it's encouraging to read your blog and see how God is working through you and how He is often teaching me the same things but through different circumstances...thank you for sharing them with the blogging world...know that I pray for you continually!!!

Debbie said...

We certainly had our lives written differently, huh?
But...we are not the Author...I so desperately want to be, cuz I think I know the way my life should have gone, and many days I feel like this load is too much for one person...I guess God sees it differently...for all of us.

Really glad we all have each other to relate to, pray for and support...God has given me a wonderful gift in all my blogging friends!

TMI Tara said...

I can certainly relate to everything on your list. It is an unexpected journey, that's for sure, but it's filled with love and lessons that we would otherwise never have known. I count myself very lucky, but I have my days that I find myself on my knees just to make it through, that's for sure. I'm sure grateful for my online friends that truly understand and help me know I'm not alone. Thanks for being one of them! :O)

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

Amen! I can relate to this post in a HUGE way! I definitely had expectations about my life and I can honestly say, that there is very little that turned out the way that I thought it should. Shows how much I know! God had a different plan in mind. He does know best. I keep reminding myself of Ephesians 3:20. He does things that are beyond our imagination. He knows what we need and when we need it. I am so thankful for that. I don't always understand His plans, especially during those dark times, but He doesn't have to answer to me. He is God and I am not!

I don't mean to sound like I am preaching at you - I am really just preaching at myself here! I try to remind myself that when my emotions get the best of me - I need to rely on His word. My emotions are fleeting, but His word is steady and true.

When I was pregnant with Emily, God brought me to the book of Job. I read through it each day and wasn't really sure why - until she was born. He knew that I would need it when my all my expectations came crashing to the ground. He really is amazing.

I am so thankful to have this online community of ladies who have been there and done that. We are not alone!

TMI Tara said...

Wondering if I can share this on kidz. It has stayed with me since I read it and I'd love to share it.