Monday, January 31, 2011

No magic pill

Brayden is not gaining weight. Not one bit. We should be seeing a change in his stools since starting the pancreatic enzymes. There is no change in Brayden's stools.

In fact, some of his stools are looking a bit more alarming. One last week had about a tablespoon of blood in it. A few had these green balls (like cooked peas) mixed in his stools. I have called the doctors. The pediatrician has been giving it a lot of thought and done some calling around. We are waiting to hear from the GI doctor.

I am really getting discouraged. Brayden's little body goes through so much every moment of every day. Last night, he did not sleep (nor did Jeremy and I). Brayden screamed, not cried but screamed, on and off (mostly on) from about 12:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. A scream of discomfort. Jeremy said it was a scream/cry like none other he had really heard from Brayden before.

It is the hardest thing to hear your child suffer. A suffering that we cannot console or seem to help. Brayden cannot tell us what hurts or give us a clue as to how we can help him.

This evening, he had a diaper that required a clothing and linen change, as well as a bath. I was carrying him to the bath (the kind of carry where you hold under the armpits with my arms stretched out hoping to minimize my contact with the diaper explosion) and we passed by the bathroom mirror. I caught a glimpse of his body. Long and skinny. If I stopped, I could count each one of his ribs. He looked so skinny, sickly skinny. It brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.
I let out a big sigh, placed him in his bath chair, gently stroked his skinny legs and prayed over him.
The enzyme was no magic pill but Jesus please give him something that helps.

9 comments:

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry, tears are in my eyes, I will pray for all of you.

Courtney said...

tears here too...oh, how it breaks my heart - for him and for you - a mother hurts for her child like no one else.

i'm so sorry.

praying....and wish i could do more.

Debbie said...

sorry he is having such a rough time...more difficult that normal...

these poor babies go through so so much...praying something help soon!

Mo said...

oh guys... my heart hurts to hear this. several things are out of your control here and it must be so very hard for you. i'll be sending up prayers for you and your sweet, sweet boy. something has to get better.

Jessi and Nic said...

Oh Carrie...praying for you and your sweet boy.

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry to hear that there is no difference. My heart aches for Brayden and for you as well. God certainly doesn't have to answer to us, but it can be so hard to understand His plans sometimes! Praying for Brayden, the doctors and for you and Jeremy!

kirstenpetree said...

I am sorry, this brought tears to my eyes as well. I feel your pain. I am sorry the enzymes are not helping. I know what it feels like to count on something to help and it doesn't. I am thinking of you and your family and praying for you often.

The VW's said...

Praying for you and your sweet boy! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

Megan said...

I am praying for your here Carrie. I still think of Brayden often and try to follow your blog. I doubt there is much worse for parents than being unable to console a hurting child and having to listen to his pain. Will pray the doctors have some new insight that will help him start to gain some weight soon. And what a blessing to him that you were praying over him as you cleaned him up.