No magic pill

Brayden is not gaining weight. Not one bit. We should be seeing a change in his stools since starting the pancreatic enzymes. There is no change in Brayden's stools.

In fact, some of his stools are looking a bit more alarming. One last week had about a tablespoon of blood in it. A few had these green balls (like cooked peas) mixed in his stools. I have called the doctors. The pediatrician has been giving it a lot of thought and done some calling around. We are waiting to hear from the GI doctor.

I am really getting discouraged. Brayden's little body goes through so much every moment of every day. Last night, he did not sleep (nor did Jeremy and I). Brayden screamed, not cried but screamed, on and off (mostly on) from about 12:00 a.m. until 5:00 a.m. A scream of discomfort. Jeremy said it was a scream/cry like none other he had really heard from Brayden before.

It is the hardest thing to hear your child suffer. A suffering that we cannot console or seem to help. Brayden cannot tell us what hurts or give us a clue as to how we can help him.

This evening, he had a diaper that required a clothing and linen change, as well as a bath. I was carrying him to the bath (the kind of carry where you hold under the armpits with my arms stretched out hoping to minimize my contact with the diaper explosion) and we passed by the bathroom mirror. I caught a glimpse of his body. Long and skinny. If I stopped, I could count each one of his ribs. He looked so skinny, sickly skinny. It brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.

I let out a big sigh, placed him in his bath chair, gently stroked his skinny legs and prayed over him.

The enzyme was no magic pill but Jesus please give him something that helps.