Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What people say...

...when they do not know what to say.

I was discussing this with friends yesterday. Things that people tend to say to us regarding Brayden and the adventure his life has brought us.

While I know that people mean well (at least I hope that they do), the majority of these things people say come across accusatory and/or a bit hurtful.

Here are some popular ones Jeremy and I have heard.
  • God does not give us more than we can handle.
  • Perhaps you need to wait on the Lord.
  • Is God trying to tell you something?
  • Is this result of sin in your life?
  • This might not of happened if you only...
  • Maybe you should to do this...

What are some that have been tossed your way?

I have some great comebacks for most of those mentioned above but I am looking into a more positive way to address them (since those do not bring out the best in me).


Tracy in MKE said...

OMG.. I can't believe people would be so heartless. Those are nothing short of hurtful. If I ran into you I'd say.... "What a handsome little man you have! I bet he brings you lots of joy!"

The VW's said...

I've heard some of those comments before and many more. It can be very difficult to know what to say and there have been several times that my response was not so acceptable.

I especially struggle when someone asks me about Gavin; "What is WRONG with him?" I have told the person that this is a rude question to ask, I have tried to ignore the question and I've also tried to play dumb and say; "What do you mean? He seems fine to me."

I know that there will always be people who say dumb things and, like you, I hope that they are just trying to engage us and be friendly, but it sure it a punch to the gut sometimes!

I suppose we should try to look at this as character building?! And, maybe wear coats of armor, so that we can't feel the punches so much! :)

Love and Hugs!!!

Debbie said...

I too have heard some of those

* What is it in your life that you/husband has not fully handed/entrusted to God?

* Sin entered the world...we are sinners...Hudson is a result of that sin.
(That was said to my face at Community Group!!!)

Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Ugh. I prefer the people who tell me how beautiful Chloe is. They're the ones who "get it." A lady in the grocery store today said, "I just have to tell you that your daughter made my day. She just radiates JOY!" That made up for all the negative/lame comments I've received that mimic the ones you shared.

Shannon said...

I totally agree. Those comments are hurtful. I do, however, try to take into account what their intentions are. Some people are just rude. Others don't know what to say - they are trying to start a conversation. I know I have said some pretty stupid things, too, in my attempt to befriend a new family.

I think people are curious and want to know what our kids are dealing with. I know I am always interested in the stories of other families.

I have had one person tell me the kids are sick because of "generational sin". I wish I would have said something back, but I was so startled I just walked away.

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

People realy do say dumb things sometimes (I am sure that I am no exception)! I cannot believe that people have asked you if Brayden is a result of sin in your life. That is just plain rude!

The question that gets me is: What's wrong with her? My first thought is "nothing, what is wrong with you?". I resist the urge to say that out loud. : )

I am also not a fan of people's response when I say that Emily has Cerebral Palsy. They say "I'm sorry" or just "Awww" or even make a pitiful face and tilt their head to the side to show sympathy.

Coming up with an appropriate response is a work in progress!

Anonymous said...

here's some i got with harvey.
"you've been chosen for a reason"
"you're cruel keeping him going"
"oh well, you still love them just as much don't you"
"its nice to see that you take him out and about"
the nicest thing i heard is that our children are already born perfect and have no lessons to learn or milestones to reach they are simply here to teach us about love xxx anne