Thursday, May 31, 2012

Moving down

Brayden is now a first floor dweller.  His accessible room has been completed.  And I have been consumed with getting to ready for him.

It was actually completed a few weeks ago but we were waiting on approval to move his bed (a SleepSafe Bed, a great hospital bed).  The insurance company had to sign off on moving his bed!  Otherwise, if the medical equipment company disassembled it and reassembled it with problems, they would not cover damages or replacement.  Seriously, insurance approval to move a bed from upstairs to downstairs.

Yesterday morning, a crew came to move the dressers, etc.
Then came the medical equipment company to move the bed.

Brayden's room was ready.  I got him off the bus and wheeled him right in to his room.

No longer upstairs.
His former upstairs room. 

Now downstairs.  And he did just fine.  The room is much bigger than his upstairs bedroom and has a good echo.  For the first couple of hours in his new room, he would make his "talking" noises, very loud and listen to his echo.
The new downstairs room.

We have a huge shower, with a new shower chair to come.  And a closet...did I ever mention I love everything organized (as I tell the boys when cleaning up, "Everything has to have a happy home, if it does not, then it does not belong in our home"; aka everything has to have a place).

Still getting things situated and decorating to be done but he now resides on the first floor.

In some way this feels like a significant milestone.  My stomach has been filled with butterflies and tears ready at any moment (although no tears yet, it just feels like they are right there).  I am not sure I can articulate why...but I will try.  For starters moving downstairs became a permanent decision.  A decision that we will live in this house for a long time.  A decision/coming to terms with the plan to make an accessible home; we have a child who needs an accessible home.  We do not have first words and first steps milestones with Brayden, we have first wheelchairs, first feeding tubes and accessible rooms.  Some how, in the middle of the excitement of the new gear and things for Brayden there is still a bit of sorrow...sadness for him, that his life is not easy nor is ours and the extreme measure we take to make it better.

I remember years ago, visiting a friends new home (while it was being built).  They needed a one-level home for their special needs child.  I remember driving away and thinking, That has to be hard; coming to grips with the fact that you have a child that will never walk and you need a house suits the child's daunting needs.
Clearly, I thought this long before we had Brayden but I may have been pregnant with him.  Since then I realized that many decisions come little by little and in steps that you may not even realize at the time.

This side room that is now Brayden's room.  This extra side room on the house was a last minute decision when we were building the house. We had a contract on the house, all of our items picked out, floor plan designed, etc.  This side room was not on our plans but we changed our mind.  We called to find out if we could make changes.  We added this room and made adjustments to the plan.  Little did we know that God had a bigger purpose for that room than just adding square footage and curb appeal (and you know God is concerned with the curb appeal of our house, right?!).

The room upstairs was the room we put Brayden in when we brought him home from the hospital as a newborn.  And the baby to child that we brought home from the hospital many more times and placed him in that room...oh if those walls could talk...they would describe the many hours I sat in the rocking chair, not being able to sleep, terrified, sometimes holding Brayden; other times just staring at him sleeping completely baffled with the thoughts of caring for him and how this was our life, our son.

Moving him downstairs, is like closing a chapter.  Moving forward.  Brayden has been doing well that past several months.  We feel settled/content with this life that God has chosen for us.
Brayden moving downstairs, while we move on.


Leighann said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I know the road you walk is more difficult than most of us can imagine. And funny how certain moments make this road clearer to us than it was before and how sadness comes at weird times. I do love, however, that Brayden played with the echo in his new room. :)

Amanda Thrasher said...
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Amanda Thrasher said...
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Amanda Thrasher said...

Ok, I've tried to write this comment 3 times now...
Brought me to tears for lots of reasons... I just love how God works and I am glad you guys are 'content' with His plans for you and your beautiful family!
2nd, The room looks amazing and so perfect! You are awesome!

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

This post brought tears to my eyes! I have been struggling with acceptance lately. It seems funny to say that when we are 4 1/2 years in...but grief is a process and there is no set timetable. The room looks amazing. I love that Brayden was talking away and checking out the echo. What a blessing!