Saturday, May 31, 2008

Picture not a Story

Last night I saw a movie. It was about several people’s lives, their mishaps, struggles and joys. A small moment in the movie was a family in the hospital right after the birth of their baby. Everyone with big smiles, lots of love and an open future for them and their children. I felt tears well up inside of me but I did not let them out. As I lay in bed that night, I was thinking about why, out of all of the things going on in the movie, that brief scene was still playing in my mind. Then the moment of Brayden’s birth came back to me. I thought immediately of a picture that I have hanging in the kitchen. It was of my family welcoming Brayden. We were filled with smiles, love and many dreams about the future; a couple of days before we knew that Brayden was not the healthy newborn he appeared to be. Some days I want that moment back, right after Brayden was born, the joy that filled us. That is probably why I have not taken this picture down. I look at it often. We were completely unaware of what was to come. My heart is beating faster even thinking about the feelings and emotions that followed the next weeks and months; how much that joy was covered with concern, hurt and not understanding. Where is my movie moment with the family gathering around, the happy music playing and fade off knowing that everyone lived happily ever after?

Our joy is coming in different ways and unexpected places. On a day to day basis, we are filled with joy about Brayden. We definitely have our moments of concern or hurt but that is becoming less and less.

As the movie was over last night, I was thinking, as much as I do not like predictable outcomes in the movies, I really do want a happy ending with things neatly wrapped up with a bow on top. I like the “everything worked out” feeling. Our lives are not like the movies, we do not know what the narrator sees and what everyone else is doing. We do not have flashbacks and flash forwards to help us understand the story. We do not have the perfect question or comment for those difficult moments. For now, all we have is the picture of this moment and the story is still being written. Our writer, producer, director, narrator is the Lord and he knows the true happy ending.

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