Tonight is the night before school starts.
School starts tomorrow...
Carter in 2nd grade, Luke in kindergarten, Brayden to special-ed preschool.
It is Luke's first time on the school bus. Brayden's first was last year.
The anticipation for tomorrow is almost unbearable for Carter and Luke. Their excitement is bubbling over. Luke has been waiting for this kindergarten and bus moment for quite some time.
One final hug from Luke before bed and he turned to me and asked, "Will you cry?"
I replied, "I am sure that I will cry a little. But it will be because I am so excited and happy."
Luke, "You will cry because you miss me?"
I replied, "I will absolutely miss you. Know that if I am crying tomorrow, it is not because I am sad. Sometimes people cry when it is a big moment."
Luke, "When Brayden got on the bus last year, you cried so bad daddy had to hug you and hold you."
Me, "Yes but I promise I will not be that out of control tomorrow."
Luke, "Okay, good night." And he marched to his room.
The conversation through me for a loop. Yes, I did sob last year when we sent Brayden on the bus. I cried so hard that I had snot bubbles and a headache. Yes, Jeremy did have to hold me (but he was crying too). I did not remember talking to Carter and Luke about it but they were there. In fact, I cannot believe Luke remembers that morning.
I forget that they are in this too. That they soak in a lot. They watch us and remember things. They see how we handle life, how we handle Brayden's life and theirs too.
That is a big responsibility.