Going, Go, Get

I am an organized person and I like a bit of a schedule. A day with Brayden’s appointments (which is most weekdays) is very strategic. I plan out when I will shower so I can nurse Brayden at the appropriate time so that his next feedings will or will not interfere with his appointment. I try to give him all the medicines at about the same time every morning. I get the older boys feed, dressed and ready so I when I say go, they are ready to go. I strategically pack bags for Carter and Luke; toys, books, coloring books that I have stored away, from birthdays and Christmas, so that when they are going places they have something new to play with and I don’t have to keep buying new things. I have bags packed for Carter and Luke, as well as a change of clothes. I have several bags for Brayden: an emergency bag with special seizure medication and an extra G-tube in case his is pulled out. He has his feeding bag with the pump, formula, tubes, etc. His also has his normal diaper bag. I load the car with all of their things and then load them in. We live in Waterford, which is not close to any of Brayden's appointments. Once I hop in the car, we are off to drop Carter and Luke at someone’s house (usually in the opposite direction of where we are going for an appointment). I plan enough time to get them in and settled. Then Brayden and I head in for an appointment. I try to plan enough time to park, get him in his buggy and get into the office. His appointments are never on the first floor. Now this wouldn't feel so overwhelming if it was only happening every once in a while but it is all of this, 2-3 times a week.

I feel like I spend a couple of hours going just to get going. Just an hour appointment tends to be an all day effort. I do not want to be late to the appointments because it means less quality time with doctor or less time in therapy.

Today was a typical appointment day. I dropped off Carter and Luke at their great-grandparents house. I even scheduled in enough time to stop at the store to pick up some pictures. I was heading into Leesburg for Brayden’s feeding therapy. We were doing great on time, for once I felt like I wasn’t sweating about time. That is when I looked up and saw a strong wave right at me. I was getting pulled over for speeding! I had no idea that I was speeding, I am not really sure what the speed limit is on that road. Of course I am upset about the ticket (he did not let me off) but more upset about being late. My strategically planned day and times were messed up. I am so tired of spending so much effort just to get to an appointment. I have gotten 2 speeding tickets in the past year. I have not had a speeding ticket since high school. The recent tickets, both times, I was lost in thought about Brayden. I have been driving along, no music, no Carter and Luke, just Brayden and my thoughts. Both times I have already been upset just driving along with my emotions about Brayden’s circumstances, having a down moment in the silence. Then next thing I know, I was getting pulled over.
Let’s just say tears may help me get out my emotions but not out of a ticket.