Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I am tired

I am tired this week.
Tired of dealing with medical things.
Tired of making phone calls for all of Brayden's things.
Tired of being the ONE and ONLY person to make major medical decisions for Brayden (botox, vomiting)
Tired of Brayden vomiting all day long and through the night.
Tired of pulling the car over to take care of Brayden's vomit.
Tired of Brayden screaming in the car for no apparent reason.
Tired of being the ONE and ONLY person who coordinates all facets of Brayden's needs.
Tired of coordinating between Brayden's needs and Carter & Luke.
Tired of cleaning up after people.
Tired of not being able to catch up with laundry between the vomits, pool clothes, sports, regular laundry.
Tired of coordinating every one's schedules and needs.
Tired of disciplining the boys about the same things over and over again.
Tired of being the person to not only fix the problems but have to know how it became a problem to start.
Tired of every minute of my day being dictated by someone else's needs.
Tired of feeling like I come last.
Tired of taking care of everyone, when it feels like no one takes care of me (including myself).
Tired of counting on people that I cannot count on.
Tired of asking for help.
Tired of needing help.
Tired of feeling like I inconvenience people.

I know these feelings will pass, I will continue on with everything I do and everything I need to do...just having a down week.


Jessi and Nic said...

Carrie girl. My heart is aching for you right now. I know you are so exhausted. I am praying for DIVINE intervention and refreshment for you. You are doing an awesome job...sometimes it helps to know how wonderful you are! Prayers and love to you.

kirstenpetree said...

I know the feeling:( Hope things start looking up soon!

The Hungry Mom said...

you don’t know me but I will be praying for you this week, that God will lift you up and renew you.

Jenn said...

((( Hugs ))) stay strong.

April said...

Oh I am so sorry things are so challenging- sending all my love.

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

I feel like I have read some of my own thoughts in this list! You are not alone. I have had days/weeks like this too! Praying God will bring you comfort and peace despite the circumstances around you!

Courtney said...

i don't have the "right" words.

i'm just sorry. and thankful that you are in a place where you can admit it...that you're being honest.

praying for you...

IMHO said...

we love you, cuz! I wish we lived closer, so we help you! We are praying for you all though..and especially for you. love ya, Debra and Ken

Vivianne said...

My heart goes out to you... I wish there was more I could do. Please know that your worth as a woman is astronomical - You are a treasure, and a queen. Your sacrifice for your family, immeasurable. Your courage, incredible. Your persistance, amazing. I am not surprised in the least to know you feel this way. I do not know how you manage even in the good times. As selfish as this sounds right now, I am relieved to know I am not the only person who feels this way from time to time - to know that you have times like this too is a comfort to me, in the sense that if I were to pour my heart out to you, you would understand. May God send you rest, comfort, strength, may He lavish kindness upon you. May He hold you just a little bit closer, and may you feel His security and care. Know that He counts your tears - every one. Know that He is up with you through the night. Know that He guides your decisions, and applauds your courage in making them. Dear lady who lives on the other side of the world... God bless you. xx

Michelle said...

Lord help my friend, surround her with LOVE, YOUR love and give her rest and the strength to carry her through...strength that only you can give...Amen.

Megan said...

Praying for you Carrie. That God will send you a special notice that you are indeed VERY loved and appreciated. By the Creator of all things.

Laurie said...

I am nowhere near as eloquent as the friends who posted above, but let me add my voice to the chorus of people who are praying for you. You have so many storms swirling around you, and I truly hope and pray that God sends you a rainbow (or two), and soon.

Anonymous said...

Your world, humbles me & reminds me of what tired really is. I've just starting reading your posts & I'm inspired by your courage.
Sandie brown

dotalot said...

carrie i have been away for a long time but you and brayden are always in my thoughts and since harvey died i have kept quietly reading your posts and following the progress of your sweet brayden. it is now time for me to speak up and say you do such an amazing job, as thankless as it is at times but really "you need a break" how, i have no idea, it seems to me that it would be impossible for you to have more strength than you already do , can you get any respite for two whole nights away just even to sleep while someone brings you food? can someone take the load off you for that short amount of time? this is what i will pray for, sending you love, harveys mom, anne xxx