Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Just me, myself and I

Today was a big day for me, not really for anybody else in my house. Just me.

This week a women, Karyn, from church started helping out with watching Brayden. It has been fantastic. Brayden seems comfortable with her (he really just met her for the first time this week). In fact, I think he might have a little crush on the lovely Ms. Karyn.

I have rarely left Brayden. It might be for a couple of hours here and there. My sister watched him for several hours a couple of weeks ago. That was the longest and it was with family.

You must know that I really do not have problems with leaving my children. No problem the first day of preschool or kindergarten. No problem with babysitters. I have never had a problem leaving Carter and Luke. Brayden...well that seems to be a different story.

Brayden cannot see the world around him or understand it. He is improving greatly with understanding his world but he has to rely on what his knows and things he is comfortable with. I want him to be comfortable and not wondering where he is, where his comfort is.

Today I needed to run lots of errands and the weather was nasty in VA (the oh so lovely sleet and rain combo). Karyn came to watch Brayden. I was going to leave Brayden with her from 9:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. The longest I have left him, other than with my sister.

The night before I had a little anxiety about it. I know that Karyn is fully capable of handling Brayden. She is a nurse by profession, she knows the feeding tubes, seizures, etc. But still I was nervous.

I headed out this morning. Dropped Luke off at preschool then Carter at the bus stop for kindergarten. Then it happened. I was alone in the car. Complete silence. I actually felt like I was forgetting something. I caught myself looking in the rear view mirror at the empty car seats.

As any mom knows, it is such a blessing just to hop in and out of the car without your children. It makes running errands so much easier. No seat belts to worry about, strollers to shove in the car or in our case the wheelchair; it was just me, myself and I.

Did I enjoy it? Sure. Did I miss Brayden? Terribly. How many times did I call Karyn to check on Brayden? None.

I came home. Brayden did fine. He really does like Karyn. Although she said he had moments where it seemed like he needed his mommy.

Maybe she said that to make me feel better...and it did.


Unknown said...

Oh... I know that it was hard, but I am very proud of you. That is huge to take that time for yourself.

Keri said...

I second what Christine said. I am proud too!

Leah said...

That must have been so tough. The first few times that i was completely alone without the baby or an errand to run or a house to clean, i just broke down. cried and cried. it has become so much easier to enjoy the "me time". and to admit that i need it. even if the me time is going to the grocery store. :) take care!

the deKorne family said...

so happy for you...hope you get more and more cuddles AND time to yourself. you are such a wonderful mom!

Karen Owens said...

Good for you! I very seldom leave my son with anyone but I think for me it's a control issue -- no one knows Gavin's medical care like I do, which is totally silly.

It's nice to hear how other mom's of complex kids do "life".

Karen Owens said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wheels for christina said...

Hi! I have read over some of your blogs. Yes having a special needs child is alot of work. You do become exhausted because your work is never done. Taking care of a special needs child is a labor of love. Just looking into your child eyes you can see all the love. God gave you a special needs child because you are strong enough to handle this. I to have a special needs child and I just started a blog not to long ago. I posted a little about us not much. It links to our website that we we up and running. Our website is a charity and it tells a little of Christina's history. I have added you to my blog.

The Guedet Family said...

Carrie, so glad that you found Karyn! What a wonderful, wonderful blessing! Thinking of you guys often. Grace

Debbie said...

I am so proud of you for taking that step and not calling. I know what you mean about running errands alone...I love doing it, but after about an hour I miss my babies. However, I don't miss saying things like "please stop that." Please "don't touch each other." Please "put that down"...and on and on and on.

Glad Brayden did well! One more milestone!