Friday, August 10, 2012

My true life

Do any of you groupon, livingsocial, etc?
I do.  And I have realized that I probably should avoid those email deals all together.  Discounts for exotic vacations, fabulous restaurants, events, spas, etc.

All things that are a part of my pretend life.  The life I pretend I could have in my head.  A life filled with dining at sophisticated restaurants before Jeremy and I headed off to an island far away...with my perfectly pedicured toes and botox filled face (I do not really want botox, needles to my face terrifies me).

I need to stop torturing myself with reading those deals and imagining...

My true life is not about cruises but being the cruise director for my children's lives; coordinating all of their activities and needs.  My life will not change drastically where I will jet off at a moments notice or be able to spend countless hours getting a massage and facial.  My life is about my family.

I thought I did realistically imagine my family differently.  I did think we would be more adventurous or that we would have more time to just do or go some place different (just even to a different restaurant).  I did not think we would be continually stuck in a rut...a parenting rut where our world revolves around the boys, living little time for much else.

This week has been about the start to football season, prepping for the start of school (the boys just got their class assignments and are thrilled).  I have been watching Brayden's seizures increase.  Talk to the doctors.  Have appointments, blood work, trading in equipment, making calls, etc.

Brayden's life can be all consuming.  His seizures have increased way too much this summer.  Leaving the DC metro area, is not something that we are comfortable with...earlier the summer I drove from the outer banks of North Carolina with Brayden seizing because I did not want him to be in the OBX hospital.  Brayden also does like to be out of the house much, changing his routine has proven to be harder the older he gets.

Jeremy and I have had some long hard talks the past couple weeks.  While our world revolves around our boys, it cannot be an excuse.  Brayden's needs cannot be an excuse.  We both fully acknowledge that but not sure how to make it work...yet.  We have to make it happen within our circumstances, not wait for some fabulous groupon deal to come.

3 comments:

Beth Demorest said...

So beautifully written. I pray not only for Brayden but also for your family and your relationships. Dealing with all that you do, I know it is difficult to save something to give to each other. Praying that God sends a breathe of fresh air your way this week. =)

Shannon said...

I have been feeling very much the same way as of late. Thanks for putting words to my feelings. We must get together soon!!

Leighann said...

oh, friend. thinking about you tonight...