Tomorrow is big.
It is Jill's House time.
And my heart is racing.
Brayden's will be checking in to Jill's House for the first time tomorrow night. He will be there from 5:30 Fri evening till 5:30 Sun evening...all weekend. Lots of paperwork and planning have been done to prepare for this weekend.
In case you don't remember, Jill's House is an overnight respite facility for kids with special needs. It is a beautiful place. We have been calling it "camp" for Brayden and the boys. Brayden will be there all weekend. Originally we planned to have him stay his first time for Jeremy and I get away for the weekend (actually stay away from the house and stay in the closest hotel to Jill's House). We were not able to pull that off this summer so Brayden is staying there while we go about our regular fall weekend of sports, church, etc.
I have NEVER been home without Brayden, unless he has been in the hospital. And I really don't want to be at home with out him, it will feel empty and I will feel lost.
I know he will be well taken of during his stay but I cannot help but feel guilt. I don't like feeling like we need respite from him. And he has had a hard start to school this week, will this be too much? I barely like him going to school but I know it will benefit him. Sending him this weekend feels heavy on my heart. I know that being at home with his family is where he loves to be, why would I send him away from that? Will he learn to love Jill's House as well? I don't want him to feel lost, abandoned, confused, upset, lonely, scared...I can go on.
He has no idea what this weekend will bring and I have no idea what he will understand. I pray that he feels loved, spoiled and able to enjoy his stay. But I am a mess thinking about him there and it doesn't help it is the first week of school so I miss having all my boys home, it is pms, I have terrible poison ivy that is bring treated with prednisone that seems to give me anxiety (does this do this to anyone else?), then Brayden is going to Jill's House for the first time and Jeremy leaves for a trip this weekend...all to equal a lot of nervous energy on my part and restless sleep. I cannot even begin to share the dreams I have been having about Brayden.
So if you think about us this weekend please pray for Brayden, for his first big adventure. For his momma and her big worries...