I find myself watching my boys grow up and thinking that I want them to stay in that sweet innocent bubble. A bubble that protects their innocence and protects them from the things that can go oh-so wrong in the world. But I realized that I too had my own bubble. A bubble that burst when Brayden was born.
My bubble - Bad things don't happen to me. Sure life is not perfect and I will have hard times but really bad things do not happen to me. This does not happen to me, let alone happen to my baby.
Yes, I do know that bad things happen and could happen to me. I just did not think that it would actually happen (I know naive). It was almost like you could hear the bubble burst as the doctor delivered the first news about Brayden's brain.
POP. How could this happen to my baby? POP.
That pop and burst got to the core of me. My core was shaken. I did not know heartache like this, fear like this, motherly love and hurt like this...I did not know this could happen to me, to my baby. This happened to other people, not me.
I can see it now in retrospect. At the time, I felt like I was dealing with it (and we were) but my bubble was burst. The burst came hard, fast and leaving a mess. My view of the world changed. My picture perfect family changed. My goals for my family changed. My priorities changed. What I thought happiness and joy should be, changed. My life was forever changed.
It clearly was for the better. The process has been ugly but our Heavenly Father knows what He is doing. He gave us the strength in the midst of the mess. In it I found joy, a deep joy.
So my bubble was burst and I am still wading through it. As I have said before this is not some period of time or trial to get through, this is what our life is now...burst bubble and all.