I do not have the luxury to do as a I please.
|the construction leaves lots of dust.|
My time is not my time. My schedule is centered around everyone else. I do not want to get resentful towards others and especially not Jeremy. But even he can go hunting, watch TV or just sit outside to relax (and he does work crazy hours with lots of travel now).
What do I do for myself?
The one and only consistent thing I do is from 8-9 p.m. every night. That is precious time to me. I finally get to sit down and do nothing (I do not even want to fold laundry during this time). One should NEVER bother me during this hour. It is the one and only thing I get consistently to myself.
Still that is not enough. I have moments (like today) when I am on the verge of tears because I feel like I am loosing myself. I get swallowed up in the craziness, needs, priorities of everyone else. And some how I am the one who needs to make everything happen. I am feeling selfish because I want to be a priority.
Yes, I love being a mom and wife. Yes, I have to do these things. Yes, on most days it does not bother me. Yes, I know I need to do more for myself, but how? I feel like if I do make plans, then it leads to disappointment...way too many times of plans gone arwy. I guess I should just be happy with the moments I do get. But today, I am having a pity party.