Today was a big day for me, not really for anybody else in my house. Just me.
This week a women, Karyn, from church started helping out with watching Brayden. It has been fantastic. Brayden seems comfortable with her (he really just met her for the first time this week). In fact, I think he might have a little crush on the lovely Ms. Karyn.
I have rarely left Brayden. It might be for a couple of hours here and there. My sister watched him for several hours a couple of weeks ago. That was the longest and it was with family.
You must know that I really do not have problems with leaving my children. No problem the first day of preschool or kindergarten. No problem with babysitters. I have never had a problem leaving Carter and Luke. Brayden...well that seems to be a different story.
Brayden cannot see the world around him or understand it. He is improving greatly with understanding his world but he has to rely on what his knows and things he is comfortable with. I want him to be comfortable and not wondering where he is, where his comfort is.
Today I needed to run lots of errands and the weather was nasty in VA (the oh so lovely sleet and rain combo). Karyn came to watch Brayden. I was going to leave Brayden with her from 9:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. The longest I have left him, other than with my sister.
The night before I had a little anxiety about it. I know that Karyn is fully capable of handling Brayden. She is a nurse by profession, she knows the feeding tubes, seizures, etc. But still I was nervous.
I headed out this morning. Dropped Luke off at preschool then Carter at the bus stop for kindergarten. Then it happened. I was alone in the car. Complete silence. I actually felt like I was forgetting something. I caught myself looking in the rear view mirror at the empty car seats.
As any mom knows, it is such a blessing just to hop in and out of the car without your children. It makes running errands so much easier. No seat belts to worry about, strollers to shove in the car or in our case the wheelchair; it was just me, myself and I.
Did I enjoy it? Sure. Did I miss Brayden? Terribly. How many times did I call Karyn to check on Brayden? None.
I came home. Brayden did fine. He really does like Karyn. Although she said he had moments where it seemed like he needed his mommy.
Maybe she said that to make me feel better...and it did.