Trapped

What a winter this has been.  Many, many snow and ice (more ice than snow) days where we have been trapped at home.  I am pretty sure the boys have been home more this winter than at school.

At first I like snow (or in this case, ice) days.  It makes the world stop.  All activities are canceled and we are not running around trying to get from place to place.  Many days we just sat in the family room, around the fire, playing games, reading books and watching a movie. 

But then the days after the snow days are spent making up for those days we were trapped at home.  Three of Brayden's appointments were changed in January because of the weather. The boys were swamped with work (especially Luke, the 3rd grader...had over 2 hours of homework, too many nights).  Brayden is way off his routine and going back to school or really just being out of the house can get to him.

This week just being in or out of the house is getting to me.  I have moments of feeling trapped.  Trapped in this hectic routine.  Trapped in the 30 miles radius of our house.  Trapped in the car, i.e. spending over 2 hours in the car for a 20 min doctor appointment.  And please tell me that other people's cars look like they live out of them, at any moment you could find traces of meals, homework, games, change of clothes (and we are still looking for that one shoe, some how some one's oldest child left the gym with only one shoe).  Trapped in the never ending medical needs of Brayden...confusion with insurance, medical equipment, his orders, his nutrition, PPL (no need to explain PPL, if you know what it is then you know what a pain it is), etc.  I have spent more time talking to complete strangers than I do to my friends.  I was on hold with the hospital for over an hour for the second time and I didn't dare hang up because I didn't want to get back in the queue again.  And oh my goodness, can I please expedite the pharmacy refill phone calls, for some reason this tedious task just annoys me and then I am at the pharmacy way too much...I frequent there more than any other place.

I like routine, in fact I enforce a routine in our house.  Order and routine is my happy place.  But I can get trapped in the routine.  Routine of every moment being about my children, their activities/schedules and their needs, it has been all consuming and I really don't see a practical way to cut back.  Lately the routine has felt overwhelming, like I am not doing enough as their mom, mostly because I feel spent and grouchy...we all know a grouchy mom does not make for a happy house.  But even the idea of breaking our routine or doing something feels like too much effort.

I need a vacation (preferably some place that does not have giant icicles hanging from the trees).  But then the idea of a vacation seems impossible.

I know these feeling will pass...in the meantime, praying for warmer weather.